At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
