Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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