I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
