hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
