I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
