dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
