***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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