Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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