I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize