Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
