I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
