next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
