We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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