Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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