That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
