I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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