Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
