your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
