well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
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