its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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