I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I think I won the penis lottery.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
