Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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