i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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