do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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