I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
