I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
