I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
