please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
