I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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