Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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