I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
