dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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