I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
