how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
