My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
