R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I booty called her while she was in labor.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
