We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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