how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize
