I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I will pee on everything he values.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
