More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
