He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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