Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
