a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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