i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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