Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
