Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
