She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize