We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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