i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Every concussion has its silver lining
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
