he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
