How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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