This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
