Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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