her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
