Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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