My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
