And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
from now on my penis is your penis
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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