I CAN MOONWALK!
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
