I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
