Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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