you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize