I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
